Is there anything as absurd as a 5 month old kitten with a corporate job? Maybe only as absurd as one who blogs. I’m also the only member of our otherwise-human team at Alexis Chateau PR, who doesn’t have a degree. One of our team members has four!
Needless to say, sometimes I wish I could go to college, too. I think it would be awesome getting my own place, rationing my own treats, and rolling around in way too much catnip! And of course, there’s the studying part.
So what would I study if cats went to college? Here are my top 10 picks!
Many people think of a degree in agriculture the same way they think of a degree in writing or painting. It’s a useful skill, but why bother?
Well if cats went to college, I would bother. It would be a perfect opportunity to learn the best way to grow my own catnip!
Since it’s 2017 and we’re already in the habit of genetically engineering everything, why not catnip? States are fighting over water, and droughts are eating crops alive. Catnip will follow the corn and wheat and cows.
If I studied pharmaceuticals, I could learn how to create the chemicals that make catnip awesome in a lab. I could then become a billionaire selling it at inflated prices to kitties everywhere!
But they would still love me, because I would donate some to animal shelters for free. 🙂
Since I already work in public relations, a business degree is the perfect match for my career. But if I studied business, I wouldn’t study PR or marketing.
Why pay for knowledge I can get from Alex and Randi for free? So instead, I would study operations management.
With this knowledge, I would create the best catnip distribution channel in the world. Kitties would be ordering catnip and treats in their sleep.
I would go from executive kitty, to billionaire kitty in no time!
While we’re still on the subject of catnip, I would also like to study zoology. That way I could do some research to find out what kind of cats are not susceptible to catnip, why, and how to fix it.
The more future customers, the better!
6. Human Psychology
The bond between kitties and humans is sacred, especially when it involves ear-scratches and treats. Psychology would help me understand humans better. In class I would ponder all of life’s greatest questions.
What motivates humans to give me treats? How can I maximize this potential? What is the correlation between my handsome face and a propensity towards petting?
Why do so many people dislike me for being black?
5. Computer Sciences
If I wasn’t a kitty, and if I had opposable thumbs, computer sciences would be another great option. I would major in networking.
That way I could hack into the biggest catnip making suppliers in the world, and mail all their shipments to me. If I was sneaky enough, Alex would never know.
4. Veterinary Sciences
Veterinary sciences appeal to me, because I would love to help other animals in need. It breaks my heart on Twitter, every time I see animal shelters asking for donations to provide care for dying animals.
If I was a vet, I could travel the country with Alex, and perform these procedures for free! Well… mostly free. Who can say no to treats? Definitely not me.
Dogs are cool and all, but their breath! Ew! If I was a dentist, I would cure stinky doggie breath. Everyone’s breath should be nice and fishy like mine!
If you’ve ever bought a cat tree before, then you know how expensive those things are! Way too much for some wood, carpeting, and string. Even the simplest designs can run you up to $100. That’s two months’ salary for me!
If I went to architecture school, I would design the most amazingest cat trees at an affordable cost. This would really help to enrich the life of indoor cats, and maybe keep more outdoor cats inside.
If I was in college, lunch would be my favorite course! I would major in it, wallow in it, and eat it all. I suppose I could sound all smart and say I want to study the culinary arts, but I’d be lying.
I’m a growing boy! There isn’t a time of the day I’m not scoping out my next meal!
Well Humans, what would you study in school if you were a kitty like me? Tell me all about it in the comments below!
About the Author
Shadow the PR Cat is Goodwill Ambassador at Alexis Chateau PR. His job includes tweeting, purring, taking selfies, sniffing catnip, and advocating for animal rights. Follow his kitty adventures on Twitter and Instagram. PS: He’s single!